The Bar Bet

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.

It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you R10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you R10 he won't," said the second guy. "You’re on!", he says.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.

The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Safe Landing

A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job, he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"

Don’t Mess with the Little People

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- Knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." 

The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- The big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." 

So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Mica.

Empty Headed

Six-year old Mary comes home from school complaining that she has stomach ache.

Her mother tells her that it is because her stomach is empty but she will feel better once she has something in it.

She gives Mary a healthy snack and some juice and sure enough, she feels better!

Later on, during the afternoon, their Reverend drops in for a visit and while they are talking, he tells her mother that he had a headache all day.

Then Mary pipes in, "It is because your head is empty. You'd feel better if you had something in it."

How Old Are You?

Sitting opposite a little girl in the train, a man asks her, "You are so cute. How old are you?"

She holds up four fingers. 

The man repeats his question and again she holds up four fingers.

"How many is that," he asks, "can't you talk?"

"Yes I can. Can't you count?'

Sounds of Silence

An elderly couple is attending a church service and about halfway through the wife leans over to her husband and whispers, "I just made a silent fart. What do you think should I do?"

"Replace the battery of your hearing aid with a new one," he replied.

LOL