A Really Bad Day

Ever had a day like this?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the patio door shattered.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

This story redefines what it is to have a bad day.

What an Art Piece!

Visiting the modern art museum, a woman turned to an attendant standing nearby.

“This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?” “No, madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”

My Mom, The Tooth Fairy

After losing another tooth, Jimmy became more curious about the mysterious tooth fairy.

Finally deriving a conclusion, he came right out and asked his mother, "Mom, are you the tooth fairy?"

Assuming he was old enough to hear the truth, she replied, "Yes Jimmy, I am."

Jimmy seemed to take this news quite well.

However, as he headed for the door, he slowly turned back toward his mother with a curious look on his face and said, "Wait a minute mom. How do you get into the other kids' houses?"

Little Johnny

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and

staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the

pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he

said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off

the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,

"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

Must I Eat Spinach?

A five-year old girl is refusing to eat her spinach.

Her mother says, "Eat up your spinach darling, and you will grow up to be wise and beautiful."

The little girl thinks about this for a while, looks her mother up and down and then innocently asks, "Didn't they have spinach when you were young, mother?"